Prayer for my Sister

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.”
― Barbara Alpert

My incredible, amazing, inspiring sister, I love you with all my heart. This is my prayer for you:
Discern a miracle everyday and hold it in your heart.
Dance with the child inside you, rejoice in letting her lead you.
Let the song of angels fill your ears, and further, be borne in your voice.
When you count your blessings, they surpass the creatures in the sea.
Catching sight of your reflection evokes a smile, and a quiet content.
There is a star in the heavens for every soul you stir.
Keep the company of my love in your loneliest moment and share yours in mine.
Find that failure is the hand of God revealing a new path. Follow fearlessly.
Learn the truth of who you are, -a child of God, and what you can achieve, -absolutely anything. Your hope becomes your dream, becomes your reality, becomes your legacy.

The Other Side

I intend never to give up seeking a higher consciousness and a more immediate relationship with my inner goddess. It's been enlightening to take a moment each week for introspection, to punctuate the lessons of the many spiritual guides in my life. Sharing them is gratifying, however, it is not an accurate representation of reality. The reality is I, and most -if not all of us, have daily contests with anxiety, pain, self-doubt, and failure. The reality is a roller coaster of ups and downs, at times overwhelming and seeming hopeless. The reality is being paralyzed by fear, mired in addiction to self-sabotage, and detoured by jealousy and resentment. The reality is being buried under the constant stream of self-condemnation and losing sight of Love and Light. It is not in my nature to dwell on these things, but they are reality. Pain is a catalyst for change. It is what compels us to action though, it's unfortunate that a very common response to pain is avoidance or 'medication' in a toxic form such as food or alcohol. Rock bottom is the pivotal port of call.
I want to thank some of the people that help me see the light when I am oh, so close to rock bottom:  Jesus the Christ, Maya Angelou, Oprah, Rev. Jim Lee, Marianne Williamson, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mike Twork, Kali, Raena, and PJ Twork, Trina Schneider, Kate Hoadley, Jenny Allen, Tammy Chouinard, Jill Zundel, Sharon Thomas, and thanks also for unwavering support from my mom, my sisters, the girls in the basement, (Corena, you will always belong in the basement), and countless friends and acquaintances along my 44 year journey. I hope that I have touched as many people as have touched and lifted me.

I Can Pull It Off

For the past 30 odd years, the world of fashion has seemed to me like an exotic far away place. There are many new styles that I wouldn't want to wear even if I could. Maybe it's because I already went through those fads in the 70's and 80's. When I do find beautiful clothes, they are dismissed with a wistful, "I could never wear that, ...maybe if I had bigger breasts, smaller calfs, less flabby arms, etc."  Well, I'm tired of dressing so that no one will notice me. That gorgeous colorful dress was made for me. I want to wear that beautiful scarf, and those amazing shoes. It stands to reason that if a particular look appeals to me, than it must be suited to me. Expressing one's self with style should hardly be reserved for teenagers. I am going to follow in the footsteps of my niece who, just last week, bought herself a stunning wig with dark spiral curls and wore it to her high school the very next day. That hair transformed her and she was glowing from the minute she tried it on. How revolutionary, how brave, and how perfectly congruous! I'm getting on board with the philosophy of the Red Hat Society, inspired by the words of Jenny Joseph's poem 'Warning', "When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple, with a red hat that doesn't go and doesn't suit me." To hell with what's vogue, elegant, or classy, -I want to feel fabulous. I just ask to be judged by the expression on my face, and not the clothes on my back. That will suit me fine.

No Guts, No Glory

I'm usually the last one to get on board when the latest greatest gadget sails in. But occasionally, I find myself enjoying the convenience and instant gratification technology affords me (ok, probably much more often than I realize). Right now is one of those occasions. I am writing while sitting in the natatorium where my son is at dive practice. There are four young men practicing dives of varying degrees of difficulty while the swim team practices in the adjacent lanes. I love watching kids do stuff*. Watching them work and grow strong and get better doing things they enjoy reminds me what life is all about. From my perspective, I know just how much they will cherish the memories they are making, and the bonds they are forming. Belonging to a team is a lesson in family relationships. Kids learn to depend on each other and be depended on. It's hard work, stressful, time-consuming and full of emotional highs and lows. I am strangely proud of all of those kids putting themselves out there, especially when only a select few receive any real recognition. Their reward will come when they look back in five, ten, or fifty years, and are able to say, "I did something".
*'stuff' refers to the pursuit of any interest at all, including, but not limited to: sports, marching band, dance, chess club, volunteerism, or other spontaneously formed or organized activity