Let It Be

"And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be "-The Beatles

Last week, I got the dreaded question that, in an instant, sends me spinning off course. Just as I am going surely in the direction of my dreams, feeling certain about the how and the why. While basking in the midst of fellow artisans, a woman I had just met asked, "so, you're a writer?"  -"Yes," I answered brightly, until she followed up with...."so, what do you write?" ....The jig was up. I knew I should immediately confess, "I'm not really a writer, I hope to be one day, and I have many many sincere intentions to write, but I have too little time, too many ideas, and just the right amount of excuses." Instead, I commenced to stammering, and I honestly don't remember what came out. I like to think this is a perpetual problem for artists. When one sets her heart and mind on creative enterprise, there is a period of isolation.  There are no famous beginners. Recognition takes determination and time, be it years, decades, or possibly post-mortem. The Craft must be the purpose, and what comes from within will be an expression of love.  I still don't have a response to the question but, I have faith that one day, there will be an answer. 

Be Still and Know

One year later, I would like to revisit what it means to be a Still Woman. As women, it is deeply embedded in our nature to be people-pleasers. The happiness of the many many people in our lives to whom we are so devoted, through no fault of their own, takes precedence over our own. I confess, I have a very complex relationship with the Bible, and while I take great comfort and joy in the Word and the stories, I can't quite come to terms with its entire content as gospel. But I certainly do regard Jesus the Christ as the consummate teacher. He never put himself above others and was the caregiver and comforter of all. He is my way-shower. (as in, he shows me the way -in case you read 'shower' as in, he 'showers' me with love...but I digress). I want to live like Jesus. I want to feel fine when others put their wants and needs ahead of mine by cutting me off in traffic, or cutting ahead in line. Despite myself, I become infuriated. Not at all Christ-like. I can't seem to find the line between asserting myself and humbling myself. Therein lies the value of stillness. To be still would quiet all the voices in my head except for one. The voice that comes from God within me. When we learn to follow that one voice, we no longer feel the pressure that comes from trying to please many, or the frustration of failing. When we learn how to please the One, we find stillness and peace.  

I Couldn't Have Done It Without You

"Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." Andy Dufresne, "Shawshank Redemption"

Today is the one year anniversary of Still Women! I am filled with wonder and content when I consider where I am compared to one year ago today. I truly, truly am transformed. Today, I am a writer. I have incredible opportunities at hand and I am so ready to work and learn and grow. I have figured out how to push past fear and follow my heart. I still have lots to do, and I'm not sure that I will ever feel fully developed, but I have a clear path ahead and for that, I am unbelievably grateful. I had considered taking a break from this blog in order to devote more time to other pursuits, but I think I will continue. It's just so damn satisfying and I am making too much progress to stop now. I will keep on hoping that there are people out there who will share my journey and will feel my love and support. I will never ever be able to sufficiently thank each and every one of you who has taken a moment to read and maybe even leave a comment. You have lifted me up and filled me with hope. So here's to us, -and another year of glorifying our inner goddess.

I'm Not Kidding

Everyone in my family and many of my friends are hugely amusing. I am forever trying to match their satirical humor and dry wit. On occasion, I come up with a real stinger. I can also manage to hit one beautiful shot off the tee in a round of golf, but that does not put me in the category of good golfer. I'm afraid more often than not, my attempts at banter come off as confusing and/or rude. I have learned to self-edit and remain silent, better to come off as lame than bitchy. I am beginning to wonder if this caustic disposition is doing more harm than good. Words and thoughts have a profound power to shape our lives, and deprecation, even in jest, can easily take over our inner dialog. As much as I long to be a comedienne, I want more to quiet my inner critic. I am very vigilant about the voices I allow into my world. I try to avoid pessimism and aggression in any form and it is time to shut down my own negative repartee no matter the mask it wears. I am going to strive for wisdom and love over wit and laughter, at least until humor finds an outlet in praise and encouragement.