If You Know What's Good For You...

The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

I'm sick of being overweight. Okay, I know I said earlier that I feel better about my body than I ever have, and that is true most of the time, but-I just don't feel good. It's not so much how I look, truly. I just don't feel healthy. I realize that I have poor eating habits and I don't move as much as I should, and therefore I am not healthy and I have no right to feel good. I have been trying to find the balance between living life to the fullest, (enjoying it's bounty and savoring every moment) and having a pure and disciplined lifestyle (exercising and a nutritious diet). I have been fighting the never-ending uphill battle with a varying degree of commitment for over 20 years. However, at the root of all the excuses lies one simple truth. My priorities have been sorely misaligned. Self-indulgence and immediate gratification have taken precedence over what I know to be the true purpose of this miracle called life. Loving and learning. We are here to love and to learn from each and every experience that makes up our daily existence. But that takes a certain amount of courage. While I have loved and learned enough to be relatively happy, I have let FEAR hold me back from my full potential, and gluttony has been my consolation. Sadly, it has also weighed me down. But on this day, there is hope. I have this day and all the days that remain to 're-establish my purpose in life'. I can let go of the fear and the remote control, and I can begin to follow my true and authentic calling. After all, if I've learned one thing, it's that dreams can be delicious.

Excuses, Be Gone!

This past week, I saw an incredible dancer on America's Got Talent.  You may have seen him too. Alonso "Turf" Jones was homeless for 2 years so he could dance on the street for donations. I can just imagine how many of his friends and family thought he was crazy and probably told him outright he should get a real job. His mom even kicked him out of the house when he graduated school and said he wanted to dance, but he never gave up. I am completely awestruck by his dedication and commitment to his dream and will be rooting for him to win.
My dream is to be a professionally published writer. Of course I would love to be the next J.K. Rowling, or even E.L. James, but I would be ecstatic writing advertising copy. Writing is the one thing (besides being a mom) that I have always known I wanted to do. However, I have let FEAR keep me from pursuing my dream. For forty years I have let self-criticism and doubt paralyze my pen. So four months ago, I quit my job to chase this seemingly crazy idea that I could start a career as a writer. Pretty good, huh? I thought so too, except -I still have a million excuses for not having written a thing outside of this blog. I won't even bother laying them on you, they are lame, lame, lame. Hearing Turf's story has given me the cosmic kick-in-the-butt I need. I'm going all in starting today. Dignity and pride be damned, I will write. Heart and soul baring, gut-wrenching, corny, passionate, brilliant, or moot. I give it to you, the reader to pass judgement. And I humbly thank you. Now go follow your dream. Go.

Letter to a Bully

Dear Bully,
Why can't you just leave me alone? I don't like you, but I wouldn't want you to have to feel like I do for even one day. Everyday I go to school, and I hope no one notices me. I always have a knot in my stomach because I don't know if you will push me around or call me names. Everyday. I'm just a kid, and sometimes I think you are right. I think there's something wrong with me. I'm a freak and a weirdo, and I just don't fit in. I just want to get through the day so I can go home and be left alone. My mom tells me not to worry about what other people think. She says you are immature and insecure. She tells me that one day, I'll have friends who like me for me and I'll forget all about you. I know that I will never forget. But I will leave you behind. I have the love of my family, and my faith in God. He made me and I am His perfect child. I know that I will be stronger because of you. I will forgive you. But today, can you just leave me alone?
                                                                         Sincerely, Bullied

Dear Bullied,
You are a loser. Every time I see you, I get mad because I don't want to be like you. Whenever I start to wonder if I am just like you, I take you down, and it makes me feel better because everyone laughs and cheers me on. Sometimes I surprise myself with the mean stuff I say and do, but then I'm just glad that I'm not the one getting pushed around or called names. I try really hard to fit in and I'm afraid if people knew the real me, they would make fun of me and they would hate me too. I wish I had someone to tell me I'm okay. I hope someday I can just be myself and feel good about it. But for today, why can't you just be normal, so I don't have to be so afraid?
                                                                         Sincerely, Bully 

Tree In Woods

Many years ago, in a thriving thousand acre forest on a still, crisp afternoon, an acorn dropped from an oak tree. The acorn sat quietly on the forest floor among a multitude of others, until it was chanced upon by a small squirrel. The squirrel ferried the acorn along with its store toward a nearby nest, but it happened that this acorn was dropped a few yards shy of its destination.  An intentional breeze blew by, urging neighboring leaves down from their lofty perch, and the acorn was soon nestled in calm abeyance under golden-hued cover. Eventually, the acorn sought sustenance from its fertile bed, and began exploring the earth with its newborn tendrils. Dispersed to every direction, one upright sprout found nourishment from the air, sun, and rain. Taking hold of great opportunity and with steady determination, the sapling flourished with strength and beauty surpassing any before it. No one could be certain how long the oak tree stood, nor could they over-estimate the life it fostered. Countless flora, fungi, and fauna, furred and feathered, mighty and miniscule, all traded bounty, and lived and died beneath its canopy. One unremarkable day, a passing stranger seeking himself came upon the magnificent tree. Overcome by its splendor, he began to weep. "God, why should a tree as grand as this be hid in obscure woods? This masterpiece should stand alone on a hilltop near a city or village, and be admired by many!"
The Lord replied, "This tree is in its perfect place, as are you. Be as the Oak, steadfast in your purpose. Rest assured, you feed many without accolade and though you may be unaware, there is at least one who has been, and at least one who will be, witness to your glory."