First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage

"Love is often the fruit of marriage"- Moliere

So I guess the current divorce rate is just under 40%. That number could be considered high or low, depending on your perspective. It is not so tragic that two people who planned a future together changed their minds. Odds are that two people in love could mature and grow apart instead of together. Everyone trips and falls now and then, but 'as long as you both shall live' is too much to pay for any mistake. Whether you consider marriage a legal union or a holy matrimony, most would agree divorce is not the ideal. Better to avoid the pain of letting go of a dream that's been long gone. Dividing assets and redefining relationships is only a start to the struggles that can take a lifetime to sort through. I confess, it's hard for me to speak to this particular issue; I've been relatively charmed in the romance department. I've never had my heart broken, and I married a good man who still doesn't seem to be sick of me even after 26 years. We have an amazing life together. But plainly and simply, it's been hard. There's just no way to get around that. And here's what I have learned. The only way to have a healthy, happy relationship is to know that you will be truly okay without eachother. It is easy to hate someone whom you have pinned your entire future on. When you make anyone else responsible for your happiness, you lose yourself. You may be fortunate to have a co-pilot on your journey, but if you leave the helm to let him steer, don't be surprised when you end up miles from your destination. Through no fault of his own, he will be the scapegoat of all your anger, resentment and insecurity. Then, add guilt, because you love this man, yet you can't be  nice to him. He will be bewildered and confused. You will hate him even more. That's not good. No, nooo, no, I do not hate my husband. We have managed to respectfully and intentionally navigate those choppy waters, and I am learning to look within to know who I am. I'm excited for the trials and triumphs of the next 26 years with the love of my life. But if it doesn't happen, I will be okay.