Beyond Teen Angst

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."  – Buddha

I am trying not to lament the fact that there seems always, always, so much work to be done. Housekeeping, relationships, schedules, and occupational obligations are constants on the to-do list. In addition, the incessant quest for enlightenment can drain the last of my will. But on a good day, when a ray of light overcomes the shadow, my energy is renewed. I recently let a little more light in: As hard as I have tried to accept, embrace, and truly love myself, I have come to recognize one apparent hurdle. That is -I hate who I was in high school. That miserable, self-loathing, anxious, ungrateful teenager, who was so afraid to try anything, seems so pathetic. What's worse is, she still taunts me. Outside my comfort zone, she cruelly reminds me 'no one will like you', 'if you say or do that, you'll look stupid', 'you don't have anything to offer', 'no one cares'.  She really believes those lies, it's no wonder I can't stand her. I couldn't see how to make amends with her, forgive her, or learn to love her until I talked to my sister and my mom a couple nights ago. They reminded me of two obvious things I couldn't see for myself because I was too busy shoving her away; most teenagers feel insecure, and, I wouldn't be who I am today without her. She wanted love and acceptance, she was smart, hard-working, and dreamed of changing the world. Her heart and mine are the same. So, the seed of love and compassion has been planted. The light is brighter. And there's one less thing to do.